As the title says, here are a few do's and don'ts about how to start a fight in a pub. Firstly. Make sure you are drunk. You have to be in the frame of mind that you are suddenly 2 foot taller than you really are, hard as nails and nobody could hurt you because you are the toughest thing in the north since Adam Fogerty. Secondly. Make sure that you're mind is totally fucked up ie. Everybody is talking about you and you are not going to stand for it. Paranoia is also a great thing to add if you really want to start a good fight. Thirdly. Speak really loud and make all comments known. This really is paramount as if nobody can hear you then how are you going to start the altercation in the first place. Loud, colourful and objective. That's the ticket.
Now you have the basics of how to start a fight in a pub, now what not to do.
Don't by on any means start it with somebody taller, younger and stronger. This will just lead to a pasting that you wish you never had. Secondly. Don't do it drunk. I know this contradicts the previous comment and it is a fine line. Tipsy? Maybe but drunk is a big no no. DON'T DO IT and finally, and this is the biggy. Don't do it in front of you're new girlfriend just to try and impress her even if she is talking to a man. You never know, he might be her friend. Get you're facts right before telling him to go and fuck himself. The man may be very surprised and maybe slightly shocked and the promising girlfriend will ditch you faster than an atom being accelerated in the Hadron Particle Accelerator.......
Guess what I did two weeks ago?
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