I've never had one before. I had heard about them but never expected somebody like me would suffer and suffering is what I am doing. It's been 12 days now since the sound of a pump truck rolling in the back of a trailer made me go insane. I have never been more scared, terrified, frightened in my whole life. I lost control of sanity briefly, ran off the back of a trailer (which are pretty high up), landed with no issues and sprinted to the cab where I proceeded to lie on the bunk shaking like a shitting dog. The manager of the store where I was at was great. He was really concerned and called for an ambulance. When it arrived a very pretty nurse helped me out of the truck, put my arm around her shoulders, her arm around my waist and led me to the waiting ambulance. There were 2 nurses. Both were great. I was being asked all sorts of questions. When was the last time I ate. Is there mental history in my family. Do I take illegal drugs and all I could hear in my head was the sound of a pump truck going under a pallet of compost. Clunk didy clunk clunk. I was shaking so bad one nurse had to put her hands on my shoulders and tell me to calm down. That made it worse as I thought 'I bet everybody else can calm really easily. Why can't I?' so the panic set in even further. All the time all I could hear was clunk didy clunk clunk. I actually looked at one of the girls (the prettier one) and begged her to make it stop. She told me she couldn't and I needed to calm. I was crying, shaking uncontrollably, hyperventilating, my fingers were tingling, unsure about the world around me, my heart rate was through the roof, stressing, panicking, thinking I was going mad. I was totally going out of my mind and how did it start? A pallet of shite that had been stacked wrong falling over. Some clown had stacked it so all the heavy dog food and pots of paint were on the top of boxes of crisps. As soon as I moved it, it fell over. Me and the manager of the store managed to finally get it onto the tail lift but when I lowered it the paint buckets fell off and smashed on the back of the trailer spreading red paint everywhere. Instead of going mad I just looked at it. That's when I started to feel faint.
15 minutes later the attack happened.
I ended up abandoning the truck and got a lift back with another driver. It was during a storm and was so windy it was scary. We ran out of driving time at Flockton so had to wait for a lift back. I went out for a cigarette and a piss and the trees were literally bending so I moved next to the road thinking 'my luck, one of those branches will break and smack me on the head'.
When I got back I jumped in my car to drive home but I didn't. I went directly to Dawn's place. She was amazing. She is amazing. I explained to her the events of the day and while I was doing it I was getting flash backs and oddly I could hear my own voice echoing in my head. She calmed me down, hugged me, loved me and I have never felt more loved in my entire life.
Dawn is amazing. Really pretty, superb body, brilliant mind, the funniest girl I have ever met, caring, loving, honest and I can't believe I have met her. She is also pretty volatile, unstable and unpredictable. Well she is from Barnsley. I think an update about her will be soon as I do believe I have never loved anybody as much as her. Yvonne and Louise are the 2 girls I have really loved. I am hoping Dawn will be the last.
The attack killed me. It also made me look at the future. The future is bright. The future is dark hair, skin that won't tan, fiery unpredictable personality, stares at me and when I ask what she says 'I am just admiring the scenerey' and a sense of humor that sometimes has me crying with laughter.
